Support Groups and Court

The last couple of days have been spent in observing Kathy’s support groups and going to court to witness a preliminary divorce hearing of one of our clients.

Kathy has two separate support groups: one general group (whose theme this month is “Journaling for Healing”) and a group for women over 50 (whose stories of violence and abuse are startlingly different from younger women). I sat in on both of them last week.

The journaling group took an unexpected turn, as one of the women said she “had something to share,” and before we knew it, each of them was talking about their individual situations and how each of them is trying to face her own demons. Journaling was forgotten for the moment, as the women realized that though each of them is fighting a singular battle, they all share the same kind of fight. Watching how Kathy smoothly brought back the idea, every so often, of journaling and writing ideas down gave me some valuable tips on how to effectively guide a discussion as intense as this. I need all the tips I can get, because at the end of July, Kathy is putting me in sole charge of the group. A scary thought, but I can’t wait!

The older women’s group, on the other hand, seemed to have a particular focus on the shortcomings of “kids these days.” A lot of the psychological and emotional abuse that these women experience comes from younger family members (children, sons or daughters-in-law etc.) and I felt acutely aware of my own youth in that room (and it was rather uncomfortable, to be honest!). One of the greatest challenges in this field, I suppose, is to be able to be seen first as a professional and then as a person.

Finally, court. The woman whose hearing we witnessed was the same one that I’d met with a week ago and I felt particularly invested in her case. I went with another of the advocates and we sat in the back of the room. Seeing her abuser was a strange experience. He looked so…normal. Not like a violent, controlling individual. No horns or cloven hoofs. Just…regular. The whole process of temporary divison of finances and temporary custody of the children was harrowing, though, and every moment, I kept thinking, “She’s going to lose everything. The blow’s coming.” But luckily, things worked out pretty well for her, and she is satisfied for now. It’s really fascinating to see how this whole process plays out outside the shelter!

Sorry that my blog entries are always so long. With this internship, ever day’s an emotional experience and I suppose the whole concept of “journaling for healing” applies to me as much as it does to anyone! I hope I’m not boring you!

(Madhuri Vijay, ’09 is a Psychology and English major interning at Harbor House Domestic Violence Center in Appleton, WI.)

If you’re participating in a Lawrence University Internship this summer and would like to blog about your experience, submit an entry here.

And so it goes…

Last week, I had a fewer number of hours because of the 4th of July holiday. However, I did go in on Friday, because Kathy and I had an appointment with a woman who has been having a very hard time with her separation from her husband. They had been married for over 30 years before she chose to leave him, and she is finding it hard to come to terms with what she terms “the lost years.” It was extremely educational to watch the way Kathy dealt with her; she was sympathetic but firm in her suggestions for recovering and moving on.

Juxtaposing that appointment with the one that we had yesterday afforded me a fascinating insight into the ways that people deal with grief and trauma. The woman we met with yesterday, unlike our Friday appointment, was reluctant to talk about herself or her situation. It was extremely hard to connect with her on any personal level, and Kathy was forced to stick to the material resources – jobs, housing, legal issues – instead. You meet all kinds of people in this setting, and it is imeprative to instantly get a sense of how much you can talk to them about, and what you simply cannot discuss. It feels like walking on eggshells, sometimes, and can be a challenge, especially for someone like me, who is sometimes overenthusiastic in my desire to help people.

A number of residents left the house this weekend, for breaking the rules of the house (which include zero-tolerance of alcohol or drugs, and forbid any kind of violence whatsoever). Kathy and I were kept busy for a while making sure that the exiting residents had all the basic necessities – linens, toiletries etc. – before they left. Many women escape abusive and dangerous situations and come here with nothing but a single suitcase that they managed to pack in a hurry. So Harbor House has to make sure that they are at least armed with the basics for survival when they leave.

Finally, Kathy and I discussed the outline for a training session for the new staff members, including how to interact with women that either have AODA problems or a mental illness. She provided me with some articles and put me in charge of creating a PowerPoint presentation compiling all the information.

(Madhuri Vijay, ’09 is a Psychology and English major interning at Harbor House Domestic Violence Center in Appleton, WI.)

If you’re participating in a Lawrence University Internship this summer and would like to blog about your experience, submit an entry here.

The last two weeks…

I started my internship a couple of weeks ago, so my blog is going to have to work hard to catch up. I’ll try my best not to be incoherent.

Well, to begin with, Harbor House is the local domestic violence shelter in Appleton. At any given time, there are about 20 women that are residents and dozens more that come in for the weekly support groups or for one-on-one appointments with the advocates.

My supervisor is one of the women’s advocates, Kathy Connolly. She is a bundle of energy, and it is a huge bonus to be able to work with her. My first week at Harbor House mainly consisted of shadowing Kathy as she showed me how the house runs on a daily basis. I sat in on support groups and one-on-one sessions. I learned how to answer crisis calls (believe me, it’s kind of intimidating at first). I went to court with Kathy and one of the clients to fill out a restraining order against her perpetrator (or ‘perp,’ as they’re known amongst the staff).

I sit in on house meetings, the weekly chance for the residents to come together and talk about the problems of communal living. These problems can be anything from security issues (security and confidentiality are a huge issue, as you might imagine) to stealing food and TV hours. (Today’s session got a little boisterous, actually!)

No two days are ever the same and I always go away feeling emotionally drained and fulfilled at the same time. The staff, from the beginning, treated me as one of them, kept nothing from me, and would take the time to fill me in on cases and situations that were new to me. It is an immeasurable reassurance in a setting that is potentially very intimidating.

Today was a landmark day for me, as Kathy decided that I was ready to do a one-on-one appointment by myself. She sort of sprung it on me about 30 seconds in advance, and left me sputtering (apparently, she does that a lot – I love my supervisor!). I was a wreck. I just stood around looking helpless and asked,”What do I say?” and Kathy said, “Just listen. She’ll do the talking.”

And that’s exactly what happened. I asked the woman I met with how everything was going with her and we actually got into a very comfortable discussion, where she shared with me her frustration with her husband’s attempts to control her and her children, her nervousness about the upcoming divorce, her child’s reactions to the whole situation. There were times I wished Kathy was with me, but overall, I thought it went extremely well. And, to tell the truth, all I had to do was listen. And it felt great.

Later, I briefed Kathy on the details of the conversation and told her about the things that I hadn’t been sure of. She said she would call the woman and offer her some options. So that was good.

Really, the last two weeks have been great. I bring home books and articles every day from the house, so I can understand what these women are going through and what approaches are currently being used in trying to help them recover. Some of it is extremely fascinating!

Sorry about the mind-numbing length of this entry. I promise they’ll be more concise and more specific from the next time onwards!

(Madhuri Vijay, ’09 is a Psychology and English major interning at Harbor House Domestic Violence Center in Appleton, WI.)

If you’re participating in a Lawrence University Internship this summer and would like to blog about your experience, submit an entry here.