Support Groups and Court

The last couple of days have been spent in observing Kathy’s support groups and going to court to witness a preliminary divorce hearing of one of our clients.

Kathy has two separate support groups: one general group (whose theme this month is “Journaling for Healing”) and a group for women over 50 (whose stories of violence and abuse are startlingly different from younger women). I sat in on both of them last week.

The journaling group took an unexpected turn, as one of the women said she “had something to share,” and before we knew it, each of them was talking about their individual situations and how each of them is trying to face her own demons. Journaling was forgotten for the moment, as the women realized that though each of them is fighting a singular battle, they all share the same kind of fight. Watching how Kathy smoothly brought back the idea, every so often, of journaling and writing ideas down gave me some valuable tips on how to effectively guide a discussion as intense as this. I need all the tips I can get, because at the end of July, Kathy is putting me in sole charge of the group. A scary thought, but I can’t wait!

The older women’s group, on the other hand, seemed to have a particular focus on the shortcomings of “kids these days.” A lot of the psychological and emotional abuse that these women experience comes from younger family members (children, sons or daughters-in-law etc.) and I felt acutely aware of my own youth in that room (and it was rather uncomfortable, to be honest!). One of the greatest challenges in this field, I suppose, is to be able to be seen first as a professional and then as a person.

Finally, court. The woman whose hearing we witnessed was the same one that I’d met with a week ago and I felt particularly invested in her case. I went with another of the advocates and we sat in the back of the room. Seeing her abuser was a strange experience. He looked so…normal. Not like a violent, controlling individual. No horns or cloven hoofs. Just…regular. The whole process of temporary divison of finances and temporary custody of the children was harrowing, though, and every moment, I kept thinking, “She’s going to lose everything. The blow’s coming.” But luckily, things worked out pretty well for her, and she is satisfied for now. It’s really fascinating to see how this whole process plays out outside the shelter!

Sorry that my blog entries are always so long. With this internship, ever day’s an emotional experience and I suppose the whole concept of “journaling for healing” applies to me as much as it does to anyone! I hope I’m not boring you!

(Madhuri Vijay, ’09 is a Psychology and English major interning at Harbor House Domestic Violence Center in Appleton, WI.)

If you’re participating in a Lawrence University Internship this summer and would like to blog about your experience, submit an entry here.

And so it goes…

Last week, I had a fewer number of hours because of the 4th of July holiday. However, I did go in on Friday, because Kathy and I had an appointment with a woman who has been having a very hard time with her separation from her husband. They had been married for over 30 years before she chose to leave him, and she is finding it hard to come to terms with what she terms “the lost years.” It was extremely educational to watch the way Kathy dealt with her; she was sympathetic but firm in her suggestions for recovering and moving on.

Juxtaposing that appointment with the one that we had yesterday afforded me a fascinating insight into the ways that people deal with grief and trauma. The woman we met with yesterday, unlike our Friday appointment, was reluctant to talk about herself or her situation. It was extremely hard to connect with her on any personal level, and Kathy was forced to stick to the material resources – jobs, housing, legal issues – instead. You meet all kinds of people in this setting, and it is imeprative to instantly get a sense of how much you can talk to them about, and what you simply cannot discuss. It feels like walking on eggshells, sometimes, and can be a challenge, especially for someone like me, who is sometimes overenthusiastic in my desire to help people.

A number of residents left the house this weekend, for breaking the rules of the house (which include zero-tolerance of alcohol or drugs, and forbid any kind of violence whatsoever). Kathy and I were kept busy for a while making sure that the exiting residents had all the basic necessities – linens, toiletries etc. – before they left. Many women escape abusive and dangerous situations and come here with nothing but a single suitcase that they managed to pack in a hurry. So Harbor House has to make sure that they are at least armed with the basics for survival when they leave.

Finally, Kathy and I discussed the outline for a training session for the new staff members, including how to interact with women that either have AODA problems or a mental illness. She provided me with some articles and put me in charge of creating a PowerPoint presentation compiling all the information.

(Madhuri Vijay, ’09 is a Psychology and English major interning at Harbor House Domestic Violence Center in Appleton, WI.)

If you’re participating in a Lawrence University Internship this summer and would like to blog about your experience, submit an entry here.